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Dios Bueno Es

            I’m back from Mexico. Earlier today, I returned from my church mission trip at Children’s Haven International in Reynosa, Mexico. I spent a week at the Refugio putting up a barbwire fence with eight other guys from the group. Others worked on preparing Casa 3, one of the houses, for the kids and house parents to live in. Dios bueno es – God is so good. He teaches me how sinful I am, how merciful He is, and how I need to grow. The best part about it is learning all these things from tiny children who I can barely understand.

Here’s an average day at the CHI orphanage:

Wake up at 6:30am for breakfast and team meeting at 7. Work from 8 to 10:30. Snack break. Back to work until 1pm, then lunch. Work from 2 – 4 or 5pm. Rest and get ready for dinner at 6pm. After dinner, play with the kids (soccer, playground, chatting, running). Worn out by 8pm. Play soccer or volleyball with the older guys (age 16-21) who live at the orphanage, working there part-time and taking classes at a nearby college or high school. Shower if you’re too dirty or not too tired. Asleep by 11pm. 

It seems average, but there’s so much under the surface of this time schedule. I’ll share some honest daily thought-process that you probably wish not to hear. I want to give you an idea of how weak and childish (not child-like; there’s a difference, I think) I am. You would probably think I’m a perfect Christian for sacrificing my spring break to serve the Lord by putting my life on the line in Mexico and getting my hands dirty instead of playing video games or drinking beer on an island. But, first I would like to tell you that you’re stupid for thinking that – nobody is perfect except Jesus. If you think I’m wrong, then you might have some problems you need to assess. If you think of me differently after this blog post, sorry ‘bout that. I want to also apologize to my church group teammates for having such a bad attitude at times.

                6:30am – Ugh, I want to stay in bed. My whole body is sore. I slept horrible. These beds suck. I’m not trying to impress anyone, so I’ll skip a shower again today. Maybe I won’t work as hard today.

                7am – Great, I only read a short passage in my Bible and already the kids on our team are storming in here to hit me and yell stupid stuff. Ah, I’m already sinning this morning. Shouldn’t I be perfect because I’m serving the Lord over my Spring Break? Sorry Jesus, please forgive me. Lord, please supply me with the strength I need to survive today.

                7:50am – This is seriously the most boring team meeting. Can I just get out to my fence?! We’re here to work, not chit chat!

After I down my third cup of coffee, I head to the wall. It goes around the entire orphanage campus, but this wall lines the street that leads to the surplus of factory homes and the huge, drug-lord mansion down the street. We’re putting up a chain-link fence with barbwire on top of the eight-foot wall made of cinderblocks. This protects children from the traffic of buses, taxis, and cars that zoom by most of the day. It also provides protection from the drug cartel that infests the city of Reynosa, persuading or taking kids into their crime.

                10:25am – I wonder how long this fence will actually last… Is it really worth it to spend my spring “break” down here hurting my hands from tying these clamps onto tension wire? I feel like our team is doing a horrible job at loving each other. I swear, if he yells at me one more time telling me what I’m supposed to be doing on this fence, I’m quitting.

I think that by complaining in my head, it’s at least better than complaining out loud. Jesus hears it all the same. I bet I sound just like the buses that wail around all day. The buses drive through the neighboring houses with loud alarms that sound like car sirens going off to get the attention of factory workers. It’s probably because there’s no scheduled bus system, but I think it’s to annoy the crap out of me while I’m working on the fence. They really just want me to get headache. I’m pretty positive I give God a headache sometimes. It really boggles my mind why He doesn’t smite me with lightning-fire (it’s cooler with a combo effect). But seriously, those alarms start at 5:30am and continue to curse my brain by playing in my dreams every night I’m there. I’m glad we have a break so I can get another cup of coffee. No time to rest, write or read. We chat and joke and then get back to work.

                12:20pm – I think I’m getting burnt. Dear Lord, why did you take away my cloud cover?

When I get burnt, this one kid at the orphanage touches my forehead and says, “Plastic.” Then I touch his overly-gelled hair and say, “Plastic.” We both laugh. Lunch is fun. The school kids pile in the dining hall with their little uniforms on, big smiles, and lots of Hispanic laughter; it’s different than English laughing. Did I mention they’re all speaking in tongues!? Yup, it’s called Spanish. Willian and Pablo immediately spot me out and say, “Canta la canciòn!” They make me sing the song at least five times. I randomly made up this song last year while waiting in line to eat. “Quiero comer la comida, porque esta muy bien… en mi estòmago,” which means, “I want to eat the food because it’s very good in my stomach” in Spanish. It’s a dumb song, but the kids love it. It feels like a Lady Gaga song on the radio after I sing it ten times a day, but if it makes them smile, I’ll sing like Lady Gaga for them. Actually, they have me sing 50 cent songs and dance like Michael Jackson. Carefree giggles and scarfing of delicious traditional Mexican dishes, and then back to the wall of death.

3:30pm – Wow, I’m definitely burnt. Smells like weed out here too. What would happen if cartel members were in one of these cars driving by? They could easily slam on their breaks and pull out machine guns six feet away from where I’m at on the wall. I would be dead in a second; this fence won’t protect me from bullets. I bet there’s several of them living across the street smoking right now. Did that guy just stare at me longer than usual? God, please take away my anxiety. I know you’re with me.

A hearty dinner gives me some energy to run around with the kids. I can’t believe how these kids can play for so long! They have a really fun playground outside the casas with swings, a slide, and monkey bars. It’s a joy to goof around with the other people in our team acting ridiculous to make the kids laugh and wrestling around with grade school kids. I love how carefree they are. They’re so content with the life they have. The orphanage is a blessing to their lives, making it the best possible option they could experience in Reynosa. They play outside with each other, and get to learn about Jesus in school. The kids grasp the gospel and accept that Jesus loves them. I don’t know how they do it. When I try to place myself in their shoes, I’m dumbfounded.

                8pm – Lord, how can they be so content with life? What makes them feel so comforted in the midst of impending danger? Why do they not fear? These kids have so much faith in You. They take the risk – of trusting and loving You. These kids have been through more than I could imagine. Jesus, why can’t I trust you like these children? I have little faith in You, God.

The children at this orphanage come from families with abusive dads, prostitutes for moms, not enough income to be supported. I come from a Christian family with a loving father and mother that brought me up in the church and taught me about Jesus. The children live 15 to a house with a few showers in each casa. I grew up in a two-story house with five bedrooms and four bathrooms.  These kids are close to danger from drug cartels, an uncle shot by drug cartel members, a brother in deep with a cartel, the temptation of making big bucks by working with a cartel, and having to look at the drug-lord mansion down the street that towers over all the factory-worker “homes” – more like American garages, but a little smaller.

The children trust in Jesus, because He’s all they have to hope in. They have more faith than I could imagine because they rely on God to get through a week, let alone a day. This orphanage trusts in the Lord for provision, seeking strength from Him, their strong fortress (Psalm 62). I’m shamed by my thought process through the day as I look back and remember. I don’t care if you look at me differently, because I’m a wretched sinner and so are you. But, to see my mindset in comparison to one of the orphan’s smiles as he shows me his top bunk that he’s so proud of. To analyze the way I think vs. how Christ teaches me to live. It helps me grow. I want to be as strong a man as Oscar; he told Dylan and I that he’s in danger of being taken by a drug cartel, but added that he doesn’t fear because God’s on his side – and the fence we’re building will provide more protection for him. I want to be as strong a man as Nelson; he rides the bus 3 hrs a day to his college, where he’s pursuing an architecture degree while working part-time at the orphanage.

“Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” Luke 18:17

I may be wrong, but I think in order to grow in godliness and be the man Christ wants me to be, I need to act like a child sometimes. Maybe I’ll stay away from sucking my thumb or crying in a high-pitched scream, however, you already saw I do that anyways in thought. But, I need to quit worrying about my reputation so much. I love Jesus and want to talk about Him. Deal with it. I shouldn’t sit back on decision-making to evaluate every pro and con, whether it would offend someone, or result in a negative evaluation of my respectable character. I should press on toward the goal like that kid who wouldn’t stop chasing the soccer ball back and forth on the court. He didn’t fall to the ground and pout because every time he got close to the ball someone kicked it to the other goal. He stuck his tongue out, looked silly and sweaty, and ran with every ounce of energy toward that ball. I need to see Jesus this way. I need to run the race like a child, forget about the world, and just run.

Experiencing Joy

“So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.” John 16:22

After experiencing true forgiveness and catching the last bit of a 24-hour prayer event, my joy is rising to the point of spilling over! The Lord is so gracious and loving - in Him I find life! The passage above is so true - no one can take away the deep joy that the Lord grants. When Jesus returns, joy will become a reality.

This concept seems so far from our world. What is true happiness? We can never seem to find the answer. We make up empty versions that last only a while. Depression sets in when we can’t satisfy ourselves with the temporary things of this short life on earth. Is eternal, unfading joy real or possible?

With the fellowship (Greek koinonia - a partnership that enjoys the presence and blessing of God***) of Christ, our joy is complete [1 John 1:3-4]. When we are in a truly confessional state with God and accept His forgiveness by means only through the righteousness of Christ, God strengthens us with His joy! He is what I can hold onto. Always. The God Creator of the Universe is not dragged down by my clinging; His strength is unlimited, His love never-ending. God desires to have fellowship with me. All of me. He wants my undivided attention - a posture of desperation upon His Holy Spirit - an acknowledgment that God is sovereign over each breath I take, I can’t take another step forward without His guidance - a faith that the love of Jesus is the only way to live and love.

Jesus says, “Greg…

…you shall love the Lord your God with ALL your heart, and with ALL your soul and with ALL your mind and with ALL your strength.” (Matthew 12:30)

He doesn’t want a portion. He’s not asking me for a small plate of turkey and a side of mashed potatoes - He’s asking for the entire Thanksgiving feast!! So often do I want to suffice for the side dish. God will be happy with a quick Bible study and prayer while I eat breakfast right before class. Maybe I’ll even confess that I was kind of selfish the other day. NO! He wants every corner of our being abiding in Him. He wants ALL of our worship ALL the time, not just on Sunday mornings. God wants to know that I have a hard time trusting that He will provide me with the desires of my heart - love, a plan, a future. He wants to hear my confession that I suck at keeping a quiet time and I am so self-serving I’d rather think of a funny Tweet than spend a moment in prayer. He loves me enough to listen to my crap and then forgive me by examining Christ in my heart. It’s the sin of pride that keeps me from taking joy in this Truth.

“For you make him most blessed forever; you make him glad with the joy of your presence. 7For the king trusts in the LORD, and through the steadfast love of the Most High he shall not be moved.” Psalm 21:6-7

It comes down to a worship problem. I worship the worries of this life. I let the stress of the unknown and anxiety of the unpredictable dwell in my mind. I sit in discouragement and wallow in depression. I worship myself and my wants. I - it’s all about me.

“For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.” Isaiah 55:12

I love this verse. It’s a total shift in perspective. Worshiping the Lord with joy and praise - this is the peace that leads us forward. The mountains and trees are already singing praises to God! Let’s joyfully join in their songs. Worship God. Remove the self-centered attitudes of our hearts and the self-consuming pride that rejects God’s grace. How? Come humbly before Jesus. Confess your need for Christ’s cleansing power. Accept His forgiveness and righteousness [John 1:12]. The joy of the Lord is your strength [Nehemiah 8:10].

***Combs, William. “Meaning of Fellowship in First John,” pg 2. <http://www.bcbsr.com/topics/Combs,%20Meaning%20of%20Fellowship%20in%20I%20John.pdf>.

The Beardless Journey, cont.

The Beardless Journey will continue in all its naked-faced splendor.  The winter cold and my lack of scarfs keeps this smooth-jawed man indoors where heaters gladly maintain the active duty of facial hair.

In other words, I shave once-a-month and am simultaneously clean-shaven each month.  Or in simpler terms… due to my decreased level of testosterone, I do not grow a significant amount of facial hair on my face.

Anyways, back to my journey of beardlessness…  It seems my ever-growing fan base of poor college students, hot-shot home schoolers, prepubescent boys searching for beard-growing products, and my mom’s Bible study demands more of me.  I thought my original handful of posts would satisfy the longing hearts of my followers. But, their cry has now been heard.

Today, I rise from a prolonged hibernation.  I wake up from visions of mustaches and muttonchops dancing in my head.  I climb from the basement of hairless depression and into the summit of all that is beard.

The Beardless Boy is back.

I continue my Beardless Journey, for the sake of beard-herders and those who steer clear of any hair growth whatsoever.

The Beardless Logbook of Gregory treads forth…

God is So Unfair

This is a letter from me to God. I wrote this letter tonight during my Night of Reflection on the San Diego Summer Project.

Dear Heavenly Father, Lord Almighty!

Why, O Lord, do you continually bless me?!

I don’t deserve any encouragement, any uplifting spirits, any gifts, any words of affirmation, any blessings. Yet, You freely give them. Grace; the ever-flowing fountain, the unending ocean, the bottomless cave. There is no end! I believe lies. I say, “No, there must be a stopping point. God will soon run out of grace for me. Every ocean has a shore… surely God’s ocean of grace will beach. Like a ship set sail on the sea in one direction, it will eventually hit land. O, God, how I have limited you! For this thought, this falsehood, I should be thrown to Your outer gates. I should be cast out and forever be apart from Your grace. I deserve total separation from the God I continually disbelieve. Instead, You keep me in the shadow of Your wings (Psalm 17:8). You work everything out for good for those who love you (Romans 8:28). He who began a good work in me will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ (Philippians 1:6). In the same day… It’s so hard for me to even count Your blessings, O Lord. In the same day, You gave me breath so I could get out of my comfortable bed with a roof over my head and bring You glory another day. Alas! I have memory! I can remember the family You gave me - a loving, Christian family who brought me up in the church, in Your teaching, who could provide me with a blessed childhood, an education… O, Lord, I weep over my selfishness and how I have not given You the praise You are worthy of. In the same day, You provided me with food to eat. I took the long bus/trolley ride to campus with no direction, just stuck in my selfish attitude, refusing to be encouraged by the people on this summer project whom You set me with. Sulking in my own self-pity, You gave me a Bible study to attend on campus. Was it a coincidence that it was a study on the complete unfairness of God? That the study spoke of what we as filthy, broken sinners deserve? I don’t think it was just random chance. God wanted to remind me of His mercy and grace. I deserve a life apart from You, Lord. No, I don’t even deserve life. You are so unfair! And I praise You for Your unfairness as to give me what I don’t deserve! (Romans 3:23) I have definitely sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. (Romans 6:23) I have labored for death in my sin. But, my God, how You are merciful to me to bestow the free gift of eternal life upon me - grace. I can feel it now; Lord, Your amazing grace is sufficient, but as a selfish man with sinful flesh, I usually don’t believe this. Forgive me, Lord, for believing the lies of this world that tell me I cannot be content without the earthly pleasures of materials, comfortability, or indulgences. Lord, Your love is enough for me to fall to my face in submission, total desperation, and complete contentedness. I will take joy in the cross and in Your saving grace.

(Habakkuk 3:17-18)

Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, 18yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.

(John 15:9-11)

As the Father has love me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. 10If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. 11These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.

Remember the blessings of the Lord.

Remember what He has done for you.

Do not neglect the cross.

Do not reject the promises of the Lord or the encouragement He freely pours out.

Overwhelming love.

Unending grace.